


She Knows my Name

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-02-20 13:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2431094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luna Lovegood is now working for the Ministry, two years after the Battle of Hogwarts. Kingsley Shacklebolt has decided that Luna is the best social worker in the Ministry to get information out of an exceptionally difficult prisoner is Azkaban. She feels certain that she can get the information needed, but doesn't expect to be sharing any secrets of her own, or for anything from Azkaban to enter her personal life after she has given Shacklebolt the last page of paperwork.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Litany of Names

Luna walked behind the new guards of Azkaban, wizards who replaced the Dementors after the war. These wizards were trained by the Ministry and made rather excellent guards. Luna wasn’t ashamed to admit to herself that they also made excellent eye candy. She shook her head, trying to clear it. Luna wasn’t here to stare at cute guards. She was here to see a prisoner, and gain information for people, mostly women between the ages of sixteen and twenty-eight, found murdered in the Malfoy Manor. Kingsley Shacklebolt felt that Luna was the best fit to get what they needed from this ornery former Death Eater.

She took a deep breath and smiled thankfully at the guards who brought her to the cell. She turned to the prisoner and said, “Hello, Mr. Malfoy.” It was taking all her energy to be polite, but under no conditions would she call him Lucius. Yes, she was an adult, so she had the ability to fling his first name carelessly about, but that’s not how she worked. For her, it showed a sign of respect that she would call an adult by their first name. It said ‘We’re friends, and I respect you even though there’s this huge age difference.’ He did not have her respect, not one iota. He would never, ever be addressed as simply “Lucius” by her, not even in her thoughts. He did not deserve such courtesy.

“Miss Lovegood.” The older man stared at Luna, his steel-gray eyes hard and unforgiving. His silver-blonde hair was dirty and greasy, and he had lost a lot of weight, looking skinnier than ever in his blue jean jumpsuit.

“I’m so sorry to bother you today, but I do have some questions to ask.” She sat down on a chair that one of the cute guards had summoned, and got some pictures out of her folder.

“Ask away. It’s not like I’m doing anything here in Azkaban.”

“Oh, don’t be bitter! You won’t have much longer in here, and if you help out and don’t make a fuss, you’ll be out even sooner.” She hoped that would never happen, seeing as Lucius Malfoy had been the cause of many deaths, and much heartache during the second war. He was a cold-blooded killer and didn’t care about anyone, except perhaps his son and wife, who he had tried, but failed, to keep out of Azkaban.

“Just get on with it, Miss Lovegood.” Malfoy ground out, his voice dripping with poisoned hatred.

“I have some people I need information on.” She said, striving to keep her temper under control and be polite with this aggravating man.

“Get on with it.” Yep, completely aggravating.

“I am trying to be polite, Lucius Malfoy.” Luna managed to spit out, trying and knowing that she was completely failing at hiding just how much she loathed him.

“Yes, you are very trying.” So are you! She wanted to say. Instead, she decided at something better to say, something that would drive the stake in Lucius Malfoy’s stone heart and hopefully hurt him.

“Carissa Lomson.” She said, showing the older man a picture of a young woman with short, dark brown curly hair. It was the picture of a girl a few years older than herself, who had been reported missing, with all her clothes left in her closets in Hogwarts, except for the clothing found on the floor. The Ministry had reason to believe, and Luna believed it whole-heartedly, that Carissa had been raped by the Death Eaters before she had been killed. And as an untarnished image was important to Malfoy, even with such an already tarnished reputation…

“Miss Lovegood…” It was exactly what Luna wanted. Malfoy’s eyes narrowed, his face paled, and there was a warning in his voice. She gleefully ignored it.

“No, this is Miss Lomson.” She said, pointing to the picture of the deceased girl. She was extremely grateful for the excuse to return to her old self; annoyingly happy and perky and oblivious. But she was intelligent. She knew what she was doing and how to do it.

“Muggle-born.” Of course that’s all he was going to say. He was so upset right now and trying so hard not to show it. A Malfoy must never lose his temper. 

Luna wanted to see if she could make it lose his before he made her lose hers. “That we already know. She was a Muggle-born Hufflepuff, three years older than me.”

“It sounds like you know more about her than I care to.” He said it in such an off-hand voice, she knew he knew that with one sentence, he had plucked the last vulnerable string of her patience. 

Luna let go.

“What I don’t know is why you Death Eaters wanted her! Why you kidnapped her, killed her, and why she was so important to you! She was a Muggle-born. To you, that is less than nothing, save the status of being a muggle. So what made her earn a trip to your manor for months on end?”

Strangely calm, as if Luna’s outburst had set him at ease, he answered, “She had information. When we got that, one of the men didn’t want to do away with her at the time, so she…serviced us for a time.”

Still shaking with anger, Luna stood up, looking down at the criminal in the jean jumpsuit, the one she was sure who had suggested it. He didn’t name a specific name, so who else could it be? “You mean you raped her.” She accused, the rage evident in her words. The very cell echoed with it.

“Of course not.” He said, waving his hand as if dismissing a ridiculous notion. “She was more than willing to oblige if it meant living.”

What a disgusting creature. “That’s not living.”

“You’re right. In the end, the Dark Lord had Bellatrix Avada her.”

Does he have no soul? Luna wanted to say. Instead she replied venomously, “And let me guess, that horrendous snake had a midnight snack.”

“That horrendous snake, as you so deemed her, was Nagini. And it was a mid-afternoon meal. Nagini didn’t need to eat for a week after that.”

Acting as if he had never spoken, Luna ferociously pulled out a picture of a woman with hazel eyes and dirty-blonde hair who looked to be around her mid-twenties. “Polly Gellar.” She spat out.

“Miss Lovegood.” Malfoy glared, his reaction not unlike when he had been shown Carissa’s picture, except this time he spoke more harshly.

“No, it is not. This is Miss Gellar.” She could play this game, no problem.

“Half-blood.” 

“Mr. Malfoy.”

“No, this is Miss Gellar.” So, it seemed, could he.

“If you decide to keep this up, I will leave and you will not get out of here any sooner.” She wished she could. She wanted to bolt right out of that cell and never see that horrid man and his haughty expression again. But she couldn’t. The Ministry needed the information on these poor, dead girls.

“Keep what up, Miss Lovegood? I’m just trying to help. She was a half-blood, very much like Severus Snape was, or your precious Harry Potter.”

“And your precious Dark Lord, or did you forget? Mr. Malfoy, I am not going to spend my entire day here trying to pull teeth to get information which is not obvious.”

“How was I supposed to know you already knew this woman was a half-blood?”

“You are not an idiot.” It killed her to admit that, but he wasn’t. Luna pushed on. “And even if we didn’t have that knowledge, it is not extremely pertinent to the problem,” she lied. Both she and he knew that blood status was extremely important to the Ministry. “We need specific information-why you wanted her, her importance, knowledge if any, and cause of death. Who killed her, how, and what happened to the body.”

“Miss Lovegood, you will get what you get from me.”

“Then you can rot in this stinking hole.” She was done with playing his games. She got up to leave and right before she got to the cell door, Lucius Malfoy spoke.

“Goyle thought she was pretty. She had no real importance except for pleasure and torture. Narcissa Avada’d her. Nagini got the body.” There was one question on her tongue after he said that. Why would Narcissa kill the girl? Yes, she was a Death Eater, but she was also a woman. If Narcissa did Polly in, Luna guessed that Malfoy had a good hand in the pleasure part of Polly Gellar’s imprisonment at his manor. 

Luna said what was on her mind. “You are despicable.”

“It was what it was.” Of course it was. Unfaithful husbands raping helpless girls. It was revolting how calmly Lucius Malfoy could discuss such a subject. Luna felt uneasy, uncomfortable, and she wanted to make him feel the same. It was almost strange; she wanted revenge. She was going dish out name after name; show him picture after picture of dead girls which the Ministry and Luna herself suspected had died after being subjected to rape. She wanted him to flinch, to hurt, to lose the façade of his calm exterior. 

“Carly Brown.” This picture was of a girl ten years older than Luna, with short cotton candy blue hair. This girl was a mystery-the Ministry knew for a fact that Carly Brown was not even a squib; she was a muggle. So why did the Dark Lord want her except for…wanting her? 

“Miss Lovegood!” Lucius Malfoy exploded from his rickety wooden chair, towering over her. His face was red and if looks could kill, she would be lying dead on the floor of his cell that very moment. The muggle police had done some investigating with wizards from the Ministry (not that the officers knew they were wizards, of course) and Luna knew that Carly had been a professional pole-dancer. It was no exaggeration that the deceased woman was beautiful. Because of such, she had decided to make a living off her beauty. Lucius Malfoy knew this too, and he knew Luna knew it. She had to fight off the urge to smile broadly. She loved seeing Malfoy boil and being unable to do anything about it.

“You seem to enjoy this game. She is not, in fact, Miss Lovegood. She is, or was I suppose I must say, Miss Brown.”

The former Death Eater slowly sat down, still fairly quivering with rage. “She had no knowledge. No importance; she wasn’t even a wizard at all. A muggle,” he spat out.

Luna already knew this. The only thing missing was the cause of the woman’s death. She was determined to get that information. “Then why did you want her?”

“You keep on saying that, Miss Lovegood. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe, it wasn’t me who wanted these young women?” It seemed he was just as determined to keep it from her. Well, she wouldn’t let him.

“I do not mean you as in you personally, Mr. Malfoy. You as in-” She made her voice trail off, as if she didn’t want to say the incriminating words, even though nothing would have made her happier. It had crossed her mind that it wasn’t him who ‘wanted’ those women, but she had discarded it immediately. By his reactions, she was right in her judgment call.

“As in my kind. Yes. They were my kind.” He spoke almost regretfully, but Luna shrugged it off. He had no heart; no feelings. There was no regret to experience.

“Be it past tense or present, I hope you will not be offended if I keep using the pronoun ‘you’.” Let it offend you, you filthy Death Eater. See what I care. She thought, almost surprised at herself for thinking something so full of malice.

“I am not allowed to be offended, or I will be left to rot in this stinking hole.”

That much was true, but she didn’t want to see Lucius Malfoy’s mixed look of regret and bitterness anymore. Better for even the passive, calm look than the expression that was making Luna feel something akin to pity for him. Impossible. “We are getting off track. Why did you want Carly Brown?” She snapped, sounding harsher than she meant.

“I have a feeling you already know.” She did too, so she let it go.

“I guess we’ll come to her later on. Elisa Tarnow.”

“Muggle-born. No knowledge, no particular importance. She was given the Death Curse. Nagini.”

“I am still missing the why of her imprisonment.” Malfoy narrowed his eyes, letting her know she didn’t fool him. She just wanted him to say it. She could see he was catching on, and wasn’t going to give her what she wanted.

“She was not imprisoned at all.” Of course she wasn’t. What would he call it? Being a guest?

“Her death, then.”

“I do not see why it matters.” Of course not. Luna shot out the next name.

“Molly Christie.”

“Half-blood. She had specific information concerning the Dark Lord and could not be permitted to run around telling whoever. Death Curse. Nagini.”

“Is that it, concerning her?”

“It is.”

“Mmm. Lily Vernice.” She realized Malfoy had somehow gained the upper-hand. This was now his game. Well, she wasn’t going to play it. When he was done giving information, she would just go on to the next name. She would shoot him name after name after name.

“Muggle-born. No importance. Death Curse. Nagini.”

“You seem to enjoy using the Death Curse. Nagini was never hungry, I imagine.” She sneered, surprising herself. She never sneered. Never.

“Not in those last days, correct.” He smirked, noticing her discomfort.

“I just have one more for today and then I will be on my way.” Luna was exhausted. Playing back-and-forth with this aggravating man had completely drained her. She didn’t think she could stay another minute. “Scarlet Renaud.”

“Half-blood. No importance. Death Curse. Nagini.” He spoke short and crisp, as if he wanted her out just as much as she wanted to be gone. She bet he did.

“Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. I will come see you sometime next week to discuss some more people we still need information on. And hopefully, you will be able to tell me why most of these women, or girls, actually-some of them were under-age-were imprisoned or whatever you call it.”

“It will depend. Perhaps I would prefer to rot in this stinking hole.” That wasn’t an option. Shacklebolt would make her come again and again until she got all the information they needed. She didn’t want to come more than necessary. 

“Indeed. Until next time, Mr. Malfoy.” Luna Lovegood walked out of the cell, locked it, and almost stalked off, if the beautiful, kind blonde had ever been known to stalk.


	2. How to Say a Name

Luna was walked from the service desk to the cell alone. This was her fourteenth trip to see Lucius…Malfoy! Lucius Malfoy. She reminded herself. He is not a first-name adult. He is a Death Eater. She reminded herself harshly, but this time she couldn’t get herself to quite believe it. The older man had become incredibly cooperative, and almost, dare she think it, amicable. Lately, he had started greeting her with a smile, not his trademark smirk or sneer. She had to tell herself over and over again that she didn’t look forward to these visits. No, business calls. That’s what these were. Why was she always forgetting? She shook her head, trying to clear it. 

She looked down at her clothing, something like she used to wear when she was a teenager, when she wasn’t required to wear the Hogwarts uniform; a yellow, gauzy skirt, a flow-y, hot pink shirt with reds, yellow, and oranges that made it look like she was wearing the sunset, her favourite glasses and earrings. She had just come from baby-sitting a friend’s children and hadn’t had time to change. The little girl, six-year-old Cerise, had decided that she and her little brother, Caspian, needed to braid Luna’s hair. She had apparated to the prison, so on her way to the cell, she was undoing the messy braids, making some parts of her hair wavy and others straighter. She took a mirror out of her handbag and looked at her face. She groaned; she actually looked kind of okay. She always tried to look professional and business-like as much as possible, after an encounter with some loon a few years back which stripped her of her care-free and dreamy attitude. She just hoped when she left the cell that day, no one would try to do anything on her way back to the Ministry when she went to give Shacklebolt her weekly report. 

Luna opened up the cell door and gasped when she saw Lu-Malfoy doing pull-ups on a bar attached to the wall of his cell which she had never noticed before. His jumpsuit was undone to his waist, baring his six-pack (Six-pack? Why are you noticing his six-pack? Get it together, Luna!) and showing off his extremely well-toned arms (You’re not supposed to be noticing those, either!). She had always known he was pale, but his flat stomach was like pure alabaster. Stop it! Stop noticing him! What’s wrong with you? She told herself. Lucius Malfoy was her enemy. But she was a nineteen-year-old woman, after all. Not that she had to like it. “Miss Lovegood, I apologize. I didn’t realise you would be visiting today. It changes every week, so I can’t exactly trust on consistency. I’m sorry.” He said as he buttoned up his top, blocking the view of his very good looking-STOP IT! Her mind screamed. 

“It’s not, um, not a problem.” She stammered, cursing herself. Luna noticed Malfoy looking at her, as if amused about something. “Well, let’s get on with this,” she continued, hating herself for the apologetic tone leaking through her voice. She knew how it bothered him, looking at those pictures of the girls, but it wasn’t like she had to show him she actually cared. “I only have about seven or eight pictures back at the office, so next week will be my last…visit,” she said, hesitating. What was she supposed to say? Um…a BUSINESS CALL??? Her rational voice screamed at her. 

“That’s a pity,” Luc-Malfoy said, a purr sounding in his voice. “I’ve started to enjoy our…visits.”

“You’re mocking me.” Luna objected, her voice wavering.

“Of course not. If you thought so, I apologize,” his tone not changing whatsoever. 

“Well, that’s okay then. Um, I have-there’s this…” She trailed off, unsure how to continue. She was now not as comfortable with throwing pictures of deceased girls in front of Lu-Malfoy’s face. She didn’t feel the need for revenge anymore.

“Picture of a young woman whom the Death Eaters killed. It’s okay.” Luc-Malfoy said gently. 

“Oh, um, alright then.” She stammered, taking out the picture of Mallory Jones. 

“I recognize her,” he said almost sorrowfully. “She was a muggle-born. Zabini raped her for about three months and then Narcissa Avada’d her.”

“That’s horrible.” She gasped.

“Yes, it is. Narcissa hated it when the Dark Lord’s followers brought women to the manor. That’s part of the reason why she murdered over half of the women you have showed me.”

“And yet you tried-“

“Yes, I tried to keep her out of Azkaban. If it were someone in your family, even if you didn’t completely get along with them or particularly like their company, would you wan them in the worst wizard prison there is?”

“No, I suppose not.” Luna answered, then her eyes widened when she caught what Luci-Malfoy had meant. “You mean, you didn’t, you stopped…”

“Stopped loving her. Yes. She and I had been growing apart for quite some time, but even so, I had lived with her for years. My only son is also her child.”

“I can understand. There’s this guilt from not doing something you feel you should have, even if you didn’t even, well, have any personal feelings for them. I mean, intimate feelings. Sometimes personal feelings aren’t always good.” She said, feeling sympathy. She waited for her inner voice to yell at her, but everything was silent. It was an alien feeling, sympathy for someone she used to hate. 

“Yes, that’s exactly right.” There was an awkward pause, as Luna didn’t really know how to continue after Lucius…Lucius Malfoy had shared something so personal. “I suppose we should probably continue with the rest of the pictures you have in the folder,” he said after a while, quietly.

“Yes, let’s. Um, okay.” Luna picked up the picture of a woman who was twenty-eight, a little older than the others. Lucius, Malfoy answered her questions quickly and efficiently, and soon enough, they were done with the pictures. 

That’s when the older man stood up and offered his hand out for Luna to grab. She did, slightly surprised. “Thank you, Mr. Malfoy.”

“Mr. Malfoy. That’s all you have ever called me. You are an adult, a graduate of Hogwarts, and an employee at the Ministry for, well, I don’t really know what for. But you are an accomplished witch and highly respected. Why not call me by my first name?” he pleaded, pulling Luna closer to him, to where he was able to look right into her eyes, with just a hand’s breadth between them.

“Because, Mr. Malfoy, you are old enough to be my father. I may be an accomplished witch, but that does not excuse, it doesn’t…” She trailed off staring into his eyes, unsure of how to finish her sentence. It wasn’t that she didn’t have any respect for him. On the contrary, she had an immense amount of respect for him. She was just, just so confused right now.

“Doesn’t what, Luna?” he whispered, entwining his hands into her long, golden hair. “What does you being a wonderful, magnificent, beautiful, accomplished witch not excuse?” he asked, kissing her neck each time he complimented her.

“Mr., Mr., um, Mr. Malfoy,” Luna was able to barely gasp out. “I can’t, we can’t, we shouldn’t,” she stuttered and backpedaled. She had never been at a loss for words, but now, she couldn’t even form a complete sentence. She had never felt anything like this before, had never experienced these kinds of sensations. Lucius Malfoy seemed to sense this and drew back, which Luna knew she should have been grateful for, but instead felt bereft. She was enjoying Lucius…Lucius MALFOY kissing her neck. She stepped-well, more like stumbled-backwards and was barely able to choke out “I’m sorry, Mr. Malfoy. This is extremely unprofessional, and, and, you’re twenty years older than me, and, and, and…” 

“And you have never experienced anything like this, you are enjoying this, and it scares the crap out of you. And I was a Death Eater, your enemy and reason for heartbreak for a long while. And on top of all of that, you enjoyed it so much and don’t know what to do about it, and being a former Ravenclaw, you are used to knowing. So, in short, you are frightened.” He whispered, stepping closer to Luna, grabbing hold of her wrists so she couldn’t back up, even though he was sure she wouldn’t be able to again, even if she wanted to. She was shaking, and he realized that it wasn’t just a case of being scared, but that he had an effect on her, and it seemed to be shattering her inside-out. She was so confused, and it only made her so much more desirable in his eyes.

“Frightened like hell,” she breathed, gazing into his eyes, his soul. She didn’t move at all, was afraid to even breathe. The hold Lucius…Malfoy, she stubbornly tagged on the end, had on her was too powerful to break, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to. 

She just looked at him, waiting for him to make the first move, and when Malfoy recognized what she was doing, that she was waiting, he smiled a little and bent his head down to whisper in her ear, “Don’t be scared. I won’t do anything you don’t want. Tell me to stop if you don’t want me to do anything. If anything becomes too uncomfortable, emotionally or physically, tell me. Okay? You’ll be okay.”

Luna looked at him, trust and fear filled to the brim in her eyes. “Okay,” she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth, barely spoken. Before the words had time to even float down to the floor, Lucius-she finally allowed herself to think his first name alone, as scary as it was-had captured her mouth with his and bliss overpowered her senses. He nudged open her lips with his and slipped in his tongue, tasting her mouth. She tried the same action, emboldened by, well, probably by hormones. He rewarded her audacity by deepening the kiss and nipping her bottom lip. Luna tried to hold in the moan, but when his lips traveled down to her collarbone, and his hands let go off her hair and went under her shirt, she just couldn’t. Even just those simple actions were proving too much for her. She let out a moan, pressing herself closer to Lucius’ chest, wrapping her arms around him. “Please,” she said into his neck. “Please!” 

Lucius pulled back as if shocked by lightning. “What, what is it, Luna? Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Luna looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.”

Lucius looked at Luna, concern and lust showing in his eyes; an odd combination. “Nothing?”

“Well, except for the fact that you stopped-” Lucius cut her explanation short when he realized what she was saying, kissing her thoroughly and hungrily, pushing her against the wall, and his hands once again went under her shirt, this time undoing her bra. “Oh, oh!” she yelled out, grasping Lucius’ shirt and pulling him closer as he ran his thumbs gently against her breasts, sending sparks of feeling all over her body. “Lu-” she stopped short, aware that she was about to yell out his name, aware that she had just let a forty-something man touch her in a way that she had never let anyone ever touch her before; aware that she liked it, which only embarrassed her further. Luna backed away, much to the puzzlement of Lu-no, Malfoy. He couldn’t be Lucius, not ever again. She had to keep this strictly professional from now on. Unless, of course, she could get Kingsley Shacklebolt to let her off the assignment, which she had every intention of doing. 

“Luna? What’s wrong, are you okay?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Malfoy,” she said, her voice wavering and her throat closing up, feeling like she was trying to speak around a large stone. “I, I, I’m really sorry. I just-”

“I understand, Luna,” he said gently. “I did ask for you to tell me if you became uncomfortable, and I will respect your decision.” He lightly caressed her face, and backed up. 

“Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. I am afraid I’m simply not ready for something like this. This is extremely unprofessional, and I was completely irresponsible, and I apologize for doing this to you.” Luna said, desperately trying not to cry as she attempted to reconnect her bra inconspicuously. “I will see you next week.”

“Luna, before you go, I do have one question.”

Luna turned around. “Yes?”

“Can you please call me by my name?

“Malfoy? I call you that every week.” Her face lost all colour and her breath sped up.

“You know that is not what I meant. I’m asking you to call me by my first name.”

“Mr. Malfoy…I am afraid I cannot remember your name.” She said as she fumbled for the door of the cell.

“Lucius. My name is Lucius.” But he spoke to her back as it raced down the hall. He frowned and closed the cell door noticing that, in her rush, Luna had forgotten to lock the door. He went over to his bed and looked down at the floor. He brooded for a little bit, then saw a pink folder with curly handwriting on it, showing the delicately drawn “Luna Lovegood.” He picked it up, staring at it thoughtfully. He hid it under his bed, resolving to give it to her when she came the following week.


	3. A Different Name

“Who are you?” Lucius asked roughly, looking at a short, curvy female with brown eyes and a dark brown bob framing her face. She was pretty enough, but he didn’t notice that. All he saw was that this woman from the Ministry of Magic was not pale, thin, with long, straight blonde hair, a perfect body, and a personality that could charm the wind. In short, all he saw was she was not Luna Lovegood. 

“Laura Livingston,” she said, visibly scared, which only annoyed him further. First, her name was too close to Luna, and this Livingston girl was most decidedly not Luna. She also let him see that she was frightened of him-Luna had not. On the contrary, Luna had shown her loathing, seeming to relish when she hurt him; at least, at first. He had enjoyed the sparring, and when he had gentled, she had reciprocated. He loved seeing her true emotions, and the last week had been unbelievable. He knew she was frightened beyond belief, but the way she had responded made him forget to go slowly. But then, he thought, was it that he went to fast, or that she did something that scared herself? There was only one thing he could see as plausible, and it was the fact that she never said his name. He couldn’t understand why, but for some reason, she constantly refused to, rejecting every time he asked. And now he seemed to have lost ever asking her again. Ever hearing her voice again, or seeing her beautiful face, or smelling her-

“Mr. Malfoy?” asked the timid brunette. 

“What is it?” He snapped, annoyed that the girl had interrupted his train of thought.

“This girl, Kelly Brown. Do you know her?”

Did he know her? Those scared, blue eyes; that dirty brown, stick-straight hair; the tanned face; even the frilly red lace shirt Kelly wore was engraved into Lucius’ brain like the Death mark was onto his arm. “I have no idea who that girl is.” He shot out gruffly.

“She was found in your manor-”

“Then ask one of the other prisoners. I don’t know who she is and I don’t care.” 

That was how it went for the rest of the session-poor Laura Livingston showing Lucius picture after picture, desperately trying to get any information out of the miserable, irate man. She went at it for hours, finally leaving when she had exhausted herself into a trembling mass of unmanageable, frenzied nerves and exploded into torrents of tears. 

Lucius lay on his bed and closed his eyes, grateful that the Ministry woman was finally gone. He couldn’t get that first girl-Kelly-out of his head. Kelly had been his girl. His prisoner, mistress, sex slave, whatever you wanted to call it. She had been a half-blood, like many witches and wizards were nowadays, and she had been walking the streets the day Lucius had found her. 

“It’s a little late for a young girl like you to be walking around alone,” he had said silkily, coming up to Kelly one night around ten o’clock. “Let me walk you home.”

Lucius put his head in his hands; just thinking about those first words filled him with the bitterest shame. He was just like Luna had thought-the exact copy and likeness. He was horrible, a monster, someone deserving of rejection, loathing, hatred; someone deserving of being scorned by the love of his life. 

Lucius looked up and stared at the blank wall, wondering how long he would live and how would he possibly be able to endure another moment of this torture, which far exceeded that of the Dementors. 

 

Luna Lovegood was a wreck. After telling Shacklebolt that there was no way in history that she could ever go back to Azkaban, she shut herself up in her flat, cutting herself off from everyone and everything. She hadn’t left her flat in days, unable to move or speak or think without bursting into tears. She had skipped her weekly picnic with Hermione and Ginny, which of course sent the two girls knocking on her door to see what was wrong. At first, Luna wouldn’t tell them, even though they were the closest friends she had ever had. She wouldn’t violate the memory of her first kiss like that. She also didn’t want the girls to know that it had been her first kiss. She was nineteen and the only man she had ever kissed had been a convicted felon in his cell just one week ago! She was sure that both Hermione and Ginny had made it at least to third base with their boyfriends. So she kept quiet, embarrassed of her secret, and of her lack of experience. It was silly, really, but as someone had told her once, “It was what it was.” She whispered, unconscious that she was even speaking out loud.

 

“It was what it was?” said Hermione concernedly, sitting beside Luna on the loveseat in her living room. Hermione or Ginny was always with Luna ever since they had seen her a few days ago, worried for their friend. “What does that mean, Luna? Luna, honey, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I, I, I don’t know!” she wailed, crying into Hermione’s shirt. 

“You don’t know what wrong? Or you don’t know what it means?” Luna only hiccupped into Hermione’s shoulder, shaking violently. “Oh honey, it’s all going to be okay. You hear me? It may not be fine now, but it will be. Okay?” At that, Luna’s sobs only became worse, and Hermione continued talking in that calm, soothing voice. “Not okay. Um, how about I just talk, oh- I mean, all right? I’ll just talk. Remember when you and I were in school together? You know, I thought you were the oddest thing ever to grace Hogwarts, and that’s saying something, since you know Ron. But anyway, remember when you always blamed the little norckles or whatever you used to call them? It was always their fault, and whatever bad happened was their fault. I thought you were mad then, but now I kind of wish they really did exist. 

“But they don’t, and sometimes it’s hard to accept that, but we just have to walk on and go forward. We can’t let an obstacle take us down. Especially not you, Luna. You, Neville, and Ginny basically led the rebellion at Hogwarts in the Great War. You are strong! Luna, I have never met any young woman as strong as you. I stand in awe of you, and I’m not just saying that, and I don’t say things like that lightly, you know that. And because you are so incredibly strong, you can’t let whatever problem you’re going through take you down, because I can promise you whatever it is, it’s not as bad as what you went through with the Dark Lord. You can do this, Luna. Just stand up, brush yourself off, and run at whatever it is you’re struggling with head-on. Don’t hide and back down. That’s not the Luna I know. But you have to make the choice. I can’t make it for you. What Luna will you be? The one I know, or the one who’s trying to shut the world out, which only makes you more miserable?”

Hermione said nothing after that, only holding Luna as she cried and bawled and soaked her friend’s shirt thoroughly. She stroked her hair and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, just like she would with a toddler with a scraped knee. But Luna had more than just a scraped knee. She had a broken heart; that much Hermione was sure of. She didn’t know who had broken it, or what had happened, and she was a little miffed that Luna wouldn’t confide in her, but Hermione understood. If Luna didn’t want to talk about it, it didn’t matter. Well, it did, but not in Hermione’s case and she could respect that.

So Hermione was a little surprised when Luna, who hadn’t said much of anything in the last four days, sat up and started to explain to her friend. “I, well, you know I’ve been assigned to the Mal, the Ma, the Azkaban case, and at first it went as expected. I hated him, he hated me, and it was harder than anything to get any information. But then things started to change. We didn’t really hate each other anymore. It wasn’t like, but it wasn’t hate. I think it was, like, I don’t know. Some sort of affability.” Luna stopped to take a calming breath, and Hermione tried to take everything in. Yes, she knew that Luna had been assigned to work the case of the girls found in Malfoy Manor, but she hadn’t expected what Luna was telling her, and what she was sure Luna was going to tell her. 

“Last week was the week that everything changed. At least, for me it did. I realized that I didn’t dislike him anymore. I had a profound amount of respect, and maybe something more. I don’t know what more it was, but it was something, and it was something totally new to me. And he, he said, he was just so sincere…” she said, trying to speak around the lump in her throat and the reoccurring hiccups, which hurt. “And he meant what he said. And then, I, I, I was so stupid! I got scared and I ran. I’ve ruined everything and now I’m sure he hates me. I lo-well, I don’t know if it’s love. Maybe it’s just wanting. I mean, I’d never even been kissed before him last week, and, and, and I don’t know. And that’s what scares me worse than anything. I’m so used to knowing, and in this, I am so in the dark. And I am terrified.” 

“Well, you know what you have to do?” Hermione said, feeling sympathy for the younger girl. “You have to go and correct this.”

“But, Hermione, I can’t! I just told you, he was my first kiss, and my first, well, whatever that was, but-“

“Are you telling me that you and Lucius Malfoy had sex?” Hermione asked calmly.

 

 

“No! Of course not!”

“Good. It was just to ask. And what do you mean by “whatever that was?”

“I think we made it to second base.” She admitted in a small voice.

“Oh, Luna. Even if you don’t love him, you sure as heck have strong feelings for him. I know you, and you would never do anything with a man if you did not feel something much stronger than respect for him.”

“I know. But, I don’t know. How is it that you can know something and not know it at the same time? Oh, Hermione. I just don’t know what to do!”

“Well, Luna, all I can tell you is it’s your choice. I know how mind boggling it can be, and how off-putting, too. But you have to get over not knowing and do something for yourself. You deserve to be happy. But you have to make your own choices.” She said, giving Luna a hug. “But, you don’t have to do it now. Let’s go see Ginny and have us a picnic.”

“Actually, Hermione, I think I’ll have that picnic later. Thank you so much for talking to me and being so understanding about the situation between Luc-him and I. I have to go and straighten things out in my brain first, and after that I have to go or I won’t be able to. I won’t have the courage.”

“Okay. Luna?”

“Yeah?”

“Why won’t you call Lucius Malfoy by his first name?”

“That’s something else I have to figure out.”


	4. In Place of a Name

Luna walked for half-an-hour, trying to clear her head. She cared for him. She did. But she couldn’t…she couldn’t say his name. She couldn’t love him. If she loved him, she would say his name. And she couldn’t say his name. Tears streamed down her face as she walked, and finally she decided. She couldn’t prolong this anymore. If she felt this low, how did Lu-he how did he feel? At that moment, she knew she couldn’t wait one more second. She apparated to Azkaban. 

As she was walking down the hallway to Lu-his cell, she passed Laura, her substitute Kingsley came up with. Tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were seriously red and puffy. “Laura? What happened?” she asked, concerned only because something might have happened to…him. 

“It was Lu-Lu-Lucius Malfoy,” squeaked Laura venomously. She had always been a frightened little girl, but she had never been one to feel spite or anger. The fact that she was fairly spitting out her words meant that he must have really gone to work to tick her off. Luna frowned. If he had worked that hard, she had to be very careful on how she played this. 

“I’m sorry, Laura. That’s horrible. I’m here to take over the project again. Maybe I’ll be able to get the information needed,” she said soothingly, and Laura raced to the service desk, desperate to get out as fast as possible.

“This is not going to be good,” Luna muttered as she continued down the hall. She stopped short of being in view of the cell and cast a silent spell directed towards Malfoy, designed to temporarily blind him. 

“What the hell!” she heard him bellow, and she walked towards the cell, boldly walking into the small space and standing face-to-face with him. “Who are you? Why can’t I see? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?!”

Luna touched his face with her hand, running along his jaw line. “Don’t worry, okay?” She said quietly, pressing her lips against his soft, pale throat. 

Luc-Malfoy backed up, as if some monster had just touched him. “Who, what, are you-no.” he said, bewildered. “Who are you?” he demanded again.

“Somebody who cares about you a great deal,” she said softly. 

“That’s a lie. No one cares for me,” he answered back stiffly.

“No! That’s not true. I, oh, please, believe me.” Luna cried out desperately, tears starting to run down her cheeks.

“You want me to believe you. That requires trust,” he said bitterly. “And anyone who feels the need to take away my sight automatically will never have my trust.”

Luna felt like someone had just hit her with the Cruciatus Curse, though she would happily endure that endlessly before she would choose to ever endure this. “Do you, can, do you even know who you are talking to?” She asked her voice wobbling.

“You didn’t take away my hearing, just my sight. And yes, I have a vague idea on who you are.” He said sharply.

“Then who do you think it is?” She asked when what she really wanted to say was Then why did you say that to me?

“I never said I would relinquish that information.” 

“You want to stay in this stinking hole that much?” She asked, trying to pull up a false smile, remembering their banter about the “stinking hole.”

“Are you telling me that the Ministry is now sending people to Azkaban for not giving someone answers on a topic that is not a government issue? Harsh, Miss Lo-” Malfoy stopped suddenly, aware that he was about to say her name. He couldn’t forget himself, not yet. Not until she hurt as much as he had. He understood that she had been uncomfortable in his advances the last week, but that didn’t excuse why she had let that horrid Laura Livingston come in her place.

“Miss Who? Would you like to finish that sentence, Mis-Mister Malfoy?” She stuttered, hope starting to flutter in her chest.

“I do not have to give you anything.” 

Her heart sank, and along and that fluttering hope disappeared. She had to do something to salvage the mess she had made. There was only one thing she could think of, and it was bold and terrifying, and she wasn’t sure she could do it. But, she resolved, she had to. She didn’t want to be the miserable Luna. Even if this backfired on her, at least she had tried. “Well, that is quite unfortunate. Those who refuse to be cooperative are subject to certain…punishments.”

“Oh? And what are you going to do to me?” he asked, somehow making his voice sultry and mocking at the same time.

“This.” And Luna took his head in her hands and she kissed him with all the pent-up longing she had for him, all the…caring, all the sorrow she felt for hurting him, even though she hadn’t meant to. He didn’t react; instead, he stood still, kept his arms at his sides, and let Luna kiss his lips without doing a thing. It killed Luna, and she knew she had to do something more, or she would lose him forever. It was a daunting task-he was an experienced man, known to pleasure and how to give it. She was an inexperienced girl who didn’t know a thing about it. She was so completely lost, and wanted him to know that this wasn’t fake-she really did care for him, so she started to kiss his chin, his neck, his collarbone, perhaps a little desperately. But he stopped her when her hands attempted to travel up his shirt and strip him of it. “Malfoy?” she asked, confused and scared. Had she done something wrong? He didn’t answer so she tried to place her hands on him again, but this time, he grabbed her hands so she couldn’t move. “Malf-” she tried to say, but was cut off when he pulled her close and whispered in her ear, 

“STOP.”

“What? Isn’t this what you wanted?” She asked, confused. Last week, he had seemed so desperate for her touch, and now he didn’t want her doing anything? He didn’t want her to show her feelings for him? What did he want?

“No!” Yes. He wanted her to kiss him and touch him and do whatever she had planned for him, but the rejection hadn’t stung her. Not yet. “Of course not. Why would you think something as ridiculous as that?”

“It wasn’t ridiculous! It was all extremely well-thought out.” Her plan had been perfect-to seduce him and apologize, to tell him her story, to reconcile. 

“Right now, everything is exceptionally ridiculous, including me being blinded.” That was one of the key points to her plan!

“I’m sorry for that, but I had a plan, and well, it seems to have fallen apart.” Luna said, dropping the blinding spell on Malfoy. “As has everything else. I am so very, very sorry. I will not bother you again. Goodbye, Mr. Malfoy.”

Luna stumbled across the floor, blinded by tears. “If you really thought I would succumb to simple pleasures given by a girl who doesn’t even care about me, then you were wrong. If everything has fallen apart, it has been no fault of mine.” He said coldly, eyes locked with his love. “And as to you leaving, I forbid it.”

“You have no authority, Mr. Malfoy! I can leave if I wish, and I do-” her face turning red as she failed to calm her temper.

“You have committed murder, Miss Lovegood. You cannot leave until you have fulfilled your sentence.”

“My sentence? For what murder?” The only thing that died was my heart, and I certainly didn’t kill it!

“That is not pertinent to your case. The only thing which concerns you is your punishment.” Malfoy said, crossing over to her and grabbing her arms.

“This is ridiculous. I’m leaving.” She said and tried to break free of his grip, which was impossible.

“No. You are not.” His grip tightened, and he tried to keep his thoughts angry, not lustful.

“I could call the guards. You are not allowed to do this. If I want to leave, I will.” She said, turning her face to the door.

“No, Luna, you won’t.” he said, leaning into her face so the only option she had was to see his blue, blue eyes. Being this close to Luna was getting heady, but Lucius needed her there, next to him, rattled, and willing to do anything.

“Its Luna now, is it? It must have been poison saying my name.” She said bitterly, obviously trying not to cry.

“It is most certainly poison to you. You have not once said my first name, and that will be your punishment.” He knew she wouldn’t say it, and the reason eluded him and killed his insides.

“I will never say your name.” Why?

“Then you will never leave.”

“Anything.” Here we go, he thought. She’s desperate enough to do anything.

“What?” he said, appearing taken aback that she would refuse the only chance she at leaving.

“I will do anything for you except that. I cannot say your name. I cannot allow myself to fall for someone, especially if they care not one wit about me.” Lucius was now extremely confused. If she said his name, she was obligated to fall in love with him? And she thought he didn’t care about her?

“What does love and names have to do with each other?”

“Nothing.” 

Of course not. Which was why Luna left last week immediately after almost saying his name. That made perfect sense. “Then you will say my name.”

“No. I will do anything for you, anything, but I cannot say your name. Anything, please.” Lucius’ thoughts were turning towards something not completely appropriate, and he was going to use it to his advantage. Anything she had said. 

“Anything? You give your word and will not go back on it, even if it is something completely loathsome you would hate to do?” Because he knew she was going to hate this; effusively.

“Yes!” He shook his head. She was so desperate not to say his first name.

“Promise me, on the Elder Wand, that as long as I do not ask you to say my name, you will do anything else I choose in place for punishment.” Lucius saw the colour drain from Luna’s face. A promise made on the Elder Wand was unlike the Unbreakable Curse-you could not break a Promise. It was not possible. You died if you broke a promise made under the Unbreakable, but the Promise offered no such loop holds. Luna knew this, by her facial reaction, but she spoke determinately and unwavering.

“I, Luna Lovegood, promise on the Elder Wand that I will do anything you ask me to do for my punishment as long as I do not have to say your name.” There was a thin strand of silver light that came from seemingly nowhere, which entwined around Luna and Lucius’ wrists.

“That binds it, Luna. And in place of the original punishment, you will do anything I want for as long as I choose.” 

“No! I won’t do that!” The silver bracelet on Luna’s wrist burned brighter and seemed to burn her skin-she screamed out and whispered “Okay,” and the bracelet stopped burning into her wrist.

“That’s what you said though, wasn’t it? That you would do anything. And remember, a promise on the Elder Wand is completely unbreakable. You cannot even get out of it through death, like the Unbreakable Vow lets you do. So, the first thing I want you to do is let me out of my cell. You told me if I cooperated, I would get out of jail early. I have cooperated. You have made your promise. And I want out of this cell. Immediately.” He looked at her coldly and sternly, thoughts brewing of what he would have her do later on, what they would do later that night… He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Those thoughts would not serve him at the moment. He could already feel himself getting hard, and that would not do right then. 

“Okay,” she said, yielding. “Just give me a minute while I tell the guards, get paper work documented, all of that.”

“Okay,” he answered, wanting to hold her close to him and sooth her fears and make her feel comfortable. But something had changed in the last week, and there was a past behind Luna he couldn’t quite get at. He wanted her close, and maybe that was selfish, but he wanted to be happy. And being happy meant being with Luna. He just had to figure out how to convince her that her being happy meant being with him. If this was the only way to keep her, if for the moment, then he would do it. 

Luna came in with two guards, interrupting Lucius’ train of thought. “Mr. Malfoy, we can leave whenever you’re ready. The guards will accompany us to the front doors, and then I will apparate you to wherever you need to go.” She spoke tonelessly, eyes red and face struggling to be impassive. Lucius simply nodded, pained that he had made Luna feel this way, but knowing that she had to learn what it was to be at someone’s will and have her heart ripped in two because of indecision.

They walked in silence to the doors and as soon as they were outside Lucius said, “Where are we going?”

“My place. The Ministry took your manor, and as you have no where to go, you will be staying at my flat with me.”

She was still fighting. He loved that about her. She never backed down. “I guess I don’t have much choice. Whenever you wish, my love,” he said, kissing her on the cheek, causing her to look at him with wide eyes. He knew he was confusing her and he liked it. Maybe it was the vindictive side of him, but he liked seeing her suffer, even at the same time he wanted to spare her from it.


	5. The Art of Avoiding a Name

Luna was extremely apprehensive about her Promise she made with Malfoy. All she needed was time to figure out what happened, and now she was stuck with him. Not that that was a bad thing, just frustrating. She had gone to Azkaban to apologize, he had refused her, and then caught her in a rock and a hard place so she had no place but to object herself to whatever he wanted. She understood why he was upset with her-even though he had respected her decision, she had spurned him, and though he was obviously changing for the better, he was most certainly a Malfoy with the inherited pride.

Yes, his pride was a huge factor in who he was. But was it necessarily pride that pushed him to push her? He was still a man. And she was a woman. It was that part, she told herself, that made her give Malfoy a tour of her pitifully small flat that ended with her bedroom. It was tiny, but it was her comfort spot. It was also where Malfoy was with her, looking extremely handsome and irresistible, alone, looking at her in a way she knew was similar to the way she was looking at him. “Your bedroom is…quaint,” he said, smirking at her. 

“I know it’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.” She said, wishing she could gather up her courage and try to make an advance towards him again. She knew she couldn’t though. She had to apologize for what she had done, but she was terrified. What if he still rejected her? Luna shook her head. She had to try. She just had to. “Lu-Malfoy,” she said, her eyes widening in panic. He was staring at her even more intensely now, his expression hard to read. “Malfoy, I’m s-sorry.” She said, her eyes welling up with tears. He made no move to her, so she tried again. She took another step closer and said “I am. I was scared, so I ran. That doesn’t mean I’m not scared now, just, now I’m trying to be brave. I’m sorry for hurting you.” She stared up at him and put her hand on his chest, waiting. If he wanted to do anything, he would. If not, at least she knew where they stood. 

“Luna…” he whispered, taking a step towards her, so now there was nothing between them except her hand. She tried to move her hand away, but he grabbed her wrist. “Luna,” he said again, moving her hand he still had a hold of so it was behind him, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around her, bending down to kiss her. “I forgive you,” he whispered, kissing her as if he would never kiss anyone again. 

“Truly?” she gasped when they finally broke for air. He was getting confusing, and she didn’t know how or where to step. Trying to figure him out needed all her concentration, but the only thing she could think about was Malfoy nibbling the bottom of her ear, her neck, her collarbone; putting his hands up her shirt again, pausing when he reached her bra strap, moving his hands back down, slowly backing up, tearing her away from him. “Wha-” she started to say, but he cut her off.

“I’m sorry, Luna. I can’t do this again.” He said; the saddest expression in his eyes. 

“Can’t, can’t, what?” she stammered, taken aback by this revelation. He couldn’t do what again, exactly? Kiss her? Touch her? Be near her? What had she done wrong? She thought he had forgiven her. Hadn’t he just said that? “I have to go,” she said brokenly. She turned to walk out of the room, but he said “Luna, stop,” and she suddenly couldn’t move. Damned Promise!

“What do you want?” she choked out, trying not to cry in front of him. Not again. 

“I would tell you, but it wouldn’t make sense.”

“And you think any of this is making sense? None of this is making any kind of sense, Luc-Malfoy! Not one bit of it! First you despise me. Then you kiss me and make me feel things I’ve never felt before. Then when I come to apologize for running out on you, you bind me in a promise, act as if you hate me one moment and then you completely switch personalities the next! And then when I try to apologize again, we go through what happened the first time, but this time you quit. You tell me you can’t do something again. And then you say it won’t make sense if you answer one of my questions?!? What the heck is going on, because Malfoy, nothing is making sense.” Luna spat, not caring for once if she lost her temper. She was trying to figure things out, fix them, and finally relax knowing she had done a good job. Lu-Lu-Malfoy was making all this impossible, and he seemed to be relishing the fact, by his smile and a weird look sparkling in his eyes.

“Merlin’s sword, you get unbelievably sexy when you get angry.” He said, looking her up and down, sending shivers down her spine. She liked it, but she was still upset, and he had to realize that he couldn’t derail her by nothing more than a simple look.

“Stop it! Stop it right there!” she backed up, glaring at him, which did nothing to squelch that lustful look in his eyes.

“Luna-” he said, amused.

“No! I will not listen to you! Not again!” She yelled, frustrated tears trying to break free from her eyes.

“Yes, you will.” He said quietly, lifting her chin so he could look her straight in the eye, trying to let her know that he loved her, and hated to cause her pain, but he was also the man. He was in charge, not only with gender, but also concerning the Promise.

“No, I wo-” but she couldn’t finish the sentence. She tried again, but this time the silver Promise bracelet burned and she shut her mouth, trying not to cry. 

“Luna. Oh, Luna. I don’t want to cause you any pain.” He said, pulling her close and rubbing his hand up and down her back. “I wish you didn’t have to feel pain, but in this world, that isn’t possible. Oh, my sweet-”

“I am not your sweet anything. I am not yours. I belong to no one.” She said, breaking the embrace.

“Yes, Luna, you are. And you do.” He said, looking at her tenderly, but also with a cold, stern look that he was unaware his love knew quite well. But Luna did know that look-she had grown up seeing it, and she looked at him, eyes burning with hate, mouth about to spit out something foul. “Luna, don’t interrupt. We have to work this out. Everything is muddled, and this Promise has not helped much-”

“And whose fault was that?” she spat through clenched teeth, trying to ignore the pain.

“Luna, don’t fight it. You’ll only cause yourself harm.” Lucius said, trying to calm down this beautiful, distraught woman.

“What do you care if I hurt myself?” His heart nearly tore in half, seeing the defiance and the sadness and the fear warring in her eyes. What did he care? Did she really think him devoid of all feeling? 

“I care a great deal,” Lucius said, going to Luna, trying to focus on how much he cared for her, not on the anger and irritation he was starting to feel towards her. But it broke when Luna got up, turned, and walked out of the room, blood running down her legs as she fought against the Promise. “Luna! Luna, STOP!” he yelled, running for her and she did, fainting right into his arms, passed out, weak, pale, and still bleeding profusely. 

Lucius Malfoy looked at the girl he was carrying in his arms, down the steps, out the door, and to the closest apothecary for potions to heal her, wondering why he was going to all this trouble for a maddening girl who said she cared for him, then looked at him with such a burning hate that made his breath catch in his throat. He had thought she was perfect for him, but was it possible he had been so horribly wrong? Looking at her face, even pained in sleep, he shook his head. That wasn’t an option. She was his match, and they would have to work through whatever problems came their way, because the bottom line was, he loved her. He loved her, and always would.


	6. Trouble with a Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the end of this chapter for notes.

Luna woke up with a serious headache, sore legs, and tied to her bed. She looked around, startled. “Wha-” she started to say, then stopped when she saw two gray eyes staring at her, taking in her entire form which, Luna realized, were barely covered by ill fitting pajamas and showed her curves to the world. Not that Luc-Malfoy seemed to mind. His object of interest when Luna woke seemed to be her breasts, jutting out rather alarmingly from the too small and too tight tank top that had been shoved on her. She looked around her for a blanket or something-anything-to cover herself, but couldn’t even raise her head without intense pain shooting through her skull, sending her head crashing back down violently on the pillow. “Ohhh,” she moaned, closing her eyes and wishing the pain would stop. She tried to move her arms and noticed that not only her legs, but also her arms, wrists, and stomach were tied down to the bed she was lying on. “What the heck is going on, Malfoy?” she asked, her head fuzzy and her eyes aching from the strain of looking at the man without being able to move her head. “Untie me! This is ridiculous! Why am I even tied up in the first place?”

“Luna, stop struggling. It’ll only make it worse.” He said, standing up from the chair he had been occupying for a while and going to Luna’s bedside.

“I don’t think it could get much worse than this,” she muttered, closing her eyes again. She was strapped down, body shown to Luc-Malfoy to lust over whenever he wished, and she still didn’t know where they stood. There wasn’t much that was more torturous than being tied up on a bed, unable to move, and staring right in the eyes of the man she loved, even though he didn’t, couldn’t, possibly love her.

“Don’t tempt fate, darling.” He murmured softly, rubbing her temples.

“I am not your darling!” She tried to pull her head away, but that only caused her more pain.

“You are dearer to me than you think.” He replied, softly kissing her forehead.

“You were right. It can get worse.”

“How is my calling you darling making your current situation worse?”

“Lying makes everything worse.” She said harshly, trying not to cry. It was ludicrous, really, how often Luc-Malfoy had seen her cry. 

“I wasn’t lying, Luna,” he said softly, moving around so he could kiss her on the lips. “You are very, very dear to me.” He continued, placing kisses on her temples and nose.

“Luci-Malfoy, please. Stop.” He was being so tender and sweet, and she couldn’t accept this from him. It would kill her, all this confusion and compliments, kissing and pulling away. 

“Darling,” he purred. “Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.” She retorted. If sex was on his mind, then he did favour her, if only in one way. She could handle that. She was not afraid of his feelings towards her, unless they were negative.

“I didn’t mean in that way, Luna.” 

Oh. “Then in what way?” she bit out, tired of Luci-Malfoy beating around the bush. Why couldn’t he just get straight to the point?

“You don’t need to be afraid of my name,” he said, his tone ever gentle. 

“I-I’m not scared of your name.” she stammered. It was only saying the name she was timid about.

“Then why won’t you say it? Mind, I’m not asking you to say it, I’m just wondering why you are persistent in not doing so.”

“I, um, I’d rather not say.” She said, trying to look down, and then remembered she couldn’t. “But I would rather be untied from the bed.”

“Well, that is a problem,” he mused, something wicked glinting in his eye. 

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“If it was nothing, then there wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Yes, you’re right. Well, there is only one way you’ll be getting untied from that bed.”

“What way?”

“Don’t interrupt. You might seem over-eager.” He said, giving her that trademark Malfoy smirk. “Like I said, there is one way to get untied from that bed. And it’s quite simple.” He bent down to kiss her lips, and she tried to arch up, which was impossible since her stomach was tied down as well. 

“Malfoy,” she whispered, wanting desperately to put her hands in his hair, wrap her legs around his waist, and-what was she thinking!? Luna knew this had to be some animalistic instinct taking over, because she had never done anything intimate with anyone, and wouldn’t know how to in the first place. 

“My, this rope does seem to be a problem,” he said, extremely amused at Luna’s reaction. “Should I do anything about it Luna, or do you like it there?”

“Please, it’s starting to chafe against my skin, and it’s hurting.” She said, trying to move to where Malfoy could see a faint rope-burned line.

“Ah, yes.” He purred, running his finger across the line, making Luna shiver with delight. “That would be irritating, wouldn’t it? But, you see, I had to make sure you wouldn’t try to hurt yourself again. You won’t run off, will you?”

“No! I learned my lesson, and have no great desire to have my thighs slashed to ribbons and have quarts of blood pouring down them again.” Damned Promise.

“Good.” Malfoy smiled, kissing her stomach.

“So, now that we have that all figured out, can you untie me?”

“Oh, no. You see, you have an inappropriate amount of skin showing.” He said, obviously staring at her barely covered breasts. “That cannot be tolerated, not from a young woman such as yourself. So you see, before you can be completely untied, you need to be punished. Taught a lesson, so to speak.”

“But, I had no choice in these clothes!”

“Yes, but Luna, don’t you know that whether it is your fault or not, it is your body that has been tempting a man for quite a few days, dressed as you are?” He said, running his hand over her breasts, being careful not to touch them.

“But, um, what are you going to do to me?” she asked, her voice trembling from anticipation, but also from fear. She had been punished before, and it always ended in bruises. 

Malfoy seemed to sense her fear and said, “I will not hurt you.”

“Then, what?”

“Darling,” he cooed, untying the rope around her stomach. “Don’t be scared.” He looked straight into her eyes. “I can promise you, this is an enjoyable punishment.”

“Then why-” but her questions were cut off as he captured her lips with his, ravaging her mouth as she moaned, struggling against her bonds. Lucius licked his way down her throat, and started nipping the sensitive skin where the shoulder and neck met. “Oh!” she cried out, and Lucius smirked. If he could get such a reaction out of her by doing such simple little things, he couldn’t wait until he started to truly pleasure her. He stopped biting her shoulder and moved down to her breasts, stripping them completely bare of the skimpy covering, which he had purposely dressed her in. Then he ever so slightly put one of his hands on her breast, being careful not to touch the nipple. “Malfoy,” Luna breathed, trying to not cry out. Lucius’ smirk turned into a smile as he moved his hand and cupped her breast, squeezing it a little, loving the sounds coming out of Luna’s mouth. “Luciu-Malfoy,” she said, making his heart stop. So close, so close! He thought. “Please, lay by me,” she said and he obliged, overjoyed that she had asked him to her bed. He had promised himself, he would never sit or lay on her bed without her permission. And here she was, asking him to lie with her. He kissed her again, which he had meant to be a sweet kiss, a thank you, but it quickly turned into an urgent, hungry kiss, where she reacted just as urgently. They kissed and kissed, and Lucius, forgetting himself, let his other hand touch her body and wander freely, as his hand on her breast squeezed harder and started to toy with her nipple, pulling and pinching it. “Luci-Oh!” Lucius wished she would just say his first name, but it was something. He lifted his mouth from hers and trailed hot kisses down her chest, kissing up to her breast and tentatively kissing her nipple, not yet opening his mouth to suckle, letting this new feeling wash over her. “Lu-Malfoy!” she gasped, trying desperately to get her arms untied. 

“Luna, Luna, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.” He said with his mouth still on her nipple. Her back arched again and he tried to settle her by pushing his hand lightly down on her stomach. “Luna!” he said again, now worried because the rope was starting to dig into her skin, causing blood to leak down her wrists. 

“Please!” she cried, and Lucius went to untie her wrists, hurriedly. “No,” she said as his hands touched her right arm. 

“Luna?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Oh. If he hadn’t had been hard already, he would have been at the pleading, husky tone of her voice. “Regardless, if I don’t untie your wrists, you will bleed to death, and we don’t want another near-death experience now, do we?” She didn’t say anything, but stayed still as Lucius untied the ropes and let them fall to the ground. As soon as his hands left her wrists, she reached up, pulled his head down, and violently kissed him, her hands travelling down his body, going under his shirt, and touching the top of his jeans. “Luna,” he breathed, letting her take control as she kissed her way down to his navel, leaving a trail of fire in her wake. She then stopped abruptly, trying to turn her head and get out from under him, causing a panicked thought to enter Lucius’ mind. Had he scared her off again? He didn’t want her to try to run again-she would try until she got out of her ankle ties, and that would cause as much as or more damage than her wrist injuries. “Luna, please, don’t-”

“I don’t know what to do,” she admitted in a small voice. “I don’t know how to do any of this. I’ve never done anything like this before, and, I don’t know how to please you like you’ve pleased me. I don’t want to screw this up.” She ended, whispering her last sentence. “I always do.”

“Oh, Luna,” he chuckled wryly. “There’s nothing you could do that could screw this up.”

“Nothing?” she asked, a teasing tone to her voice, and a slight smile sneaking onto her face.

“Don’t try anything,” he growled, setting her back on the bed properly, and putting his mouth back to her nipple, this time sucking hard, and biting a little, satisfied when Luna stopped trying to be quiet, yelling out “LUCIUS!”

She froze suddenly, and Lucius knew his name had just ruined this perfect moment. Damn it. “I’ve ruined everything,” she muttered, and he tried to reassure her, but everything he said fell on deaf ears. Luna wouldn’t even look at him; when he put his hand under her chin so he could look into her eyes, she closed them, failing to stop the trickle of tears running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” was all she would say when he tried to get her to talk. 

“Luna, my sweet, you have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. I don’t even know why you would feel like anything would be your fault. It doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin; you’ve been perfect. In fact,” he said wryly, “I would have preferred if you had said my name weeks ago, when I first asked. But hearing it now, like this, it was perfect. There was nothing more I could have asked, or even wanted. Luna, I lo-”

“Please!” she said, cutting him off. “Don’t! Don’t say you lo-don’t say you have any feelings for me other than physical pleasure. Please.” She said, finally looking at him, tears streaming freely down her face now. 

“But why? You deserve nothing less than the truth from me.”

“Because, because,” she hiccupped, trying to choke the words out. “Because, if you say you love me, and you really do, then, then, then I’ll have to love you too, and I can’t love you. But I said your name, so I have too. But I can’t, I just can’t!” She hid her head in her hands, pushing her face out of his hands, trying to cut herself off from his gaze.

“Luna…” he said, his voice trailing off. He started again, “I don’t understa-”

“You don’t have to.” She interrupted, shaking her head and trying to move out of her arms, but her tied-up ankles stopped her. “I’m sorry. I can understand if you never even want to see me again. It’s okay. I can handle it.”

“Luna, no. I couldn’t do that without cutting myself in half. Oh, Luna. Oh, my Luna,” he murmured, untying her legs and ankles and holding her poor, sob-wracked body in his arms, petting her hair smooth and rocking her back and forth, softly repeating her name until she fell asleep from pure exhaustion. 

Lucius watched over her the rest of the afternoon and into the night, sadly wondering what happened to her over her childhood to make her so broken, lost, and starved of any love. What could have possibly happened to any human being for them to refuse love from another, and reject themselves from ever feeling it? Who could have been so horrible? While Luna slept, Lucius pondered these unanswerable questions and softly kissed her on her forehead, staring at the wall until she woke up, screaming in fear and waking up from a horrible nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I feel so guilty for not posting anything yet! I promise, I'm almost done with chapter 7, and then things should move quickly and smoothly from then on. Please show patience, I hope to post the next chapter by Tuesday at the latest.


	7. Past Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SOOO sorry this is so late! I'm actually able to write my next chapters on paper, so this will get done SO much faster as I don't get much time on the computer. I'll just type my finished drafts all at one time.

 

 _“How dare you!”_ Slap! _“You know the rules! You are to_ never _show disrespect to another adult again! Do you hear me?” Another harsh_ slap.

_“But, but I didn’t!”_

“DON’T. YOU. LIE. TO. ME!” _Spittle flew out of his mouth onto Luna’s face and shoulders, her cheeks stinging and her nose bleeding from previous blows. Her eyes were red and wet, and her nose was running, snot mixing with blood, but the small, vulnerable nine-year-old didn’t dare try to get a tissue to wipe her nose, or even use her shirt._

_“Please-”_

_“You_ BITCH _!” he yelled, punching her in the stomach and making her double over. He kicked her in the leg and she fell down, trying to cover her face, but he turned her over and kicked at her, hit her, and continued yelling. “I won’t have a lying, sneaking, disrespectful_ BITCH _in my house!”_ _Luna risked looking up, seeing her mother, face impassive; uncaring. “Mummy,” she whispered. She only got a worse beating for daring to whisper. She needed to say something, anything, to make him see reason. She tried saying one more word, knowing it wouldn’t work as the large hand came down on her._ _“_ DADDY!!!”

 

She cried, waking up violently, feeling arms around her and instantly panicking. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, please, don’t! I didn’t lie, I promise!” She tried to run from the arms holding her, but as she moved, they went from cradling her like a baby to wrapping around her stomach like a rope. “ _No!”_ she cried, clawing at her captor’s hands, feeling blood on her fingernails. She finally broke away and tried to dash out the door, but it was locked. She cowered and raised her arms over her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, but the blow didn’t come.

 

“Oh, my Luna,” a soft voice said, and she tentatively raised her head to see Lu- _MALFOY_ crouched near her. “Luna,” he said, lifting his hand to touch her cheek. Her head jerked back violently, hitting the door and giving her an even bigger headache.

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Malfoy,” she said in a miniscule voice, almost too small to hear. “I won’t ever be so disrespectful again.”

 

“How were you disrespectful? You didn’t do one single thing you shouldn’t have. Luna, don’t you understand? None of this is your fault. Whatever happened when you were younger, it was all lies.”

 

“No, no, it wasn’t,” she sobbed, hugging herself, desperate to get away from the blonde man with the soft hands and caring eyes. She distrusted men in the dark, especially those with light hair and eyes, and a soft look about them. Those were the cruelest men, she had learned. “It was my fault. He was right. They were all right.”

 

“Luna, who did this to you,” he said tightly. She could tell he was starting to lose his patience with her, and she knew his gentleness would soon disappear. Malfoy was silent for a moment then said “You said ‘Daddy’ when you woke up. What did Xeno do to you when you were a child?”

 

“Nothing I didn’t deserve,” she whispered.

 

“ _Bullshit!”_ Malfoy yelled, losing his temper. Luna cringed into the wall even more, and he quieted, realizing he was causing her more distress, even though it was not her he was upset with. “How old were you, Luna,” he asked.

 

“Why does it matter?”

 

“Because it does. No man should be allowed to do that to anyone. No person should be able to have that kind of malevolent power over any being.” He chuckled dryly, remembering his past years. “I learned that the hard way. I was a fool, but I’ve learned. Your father, though…Luna, how old were you?”

 

“I don’t remember.”

 

Lucius’ face paled even more than it already naturally was and he struggled to keep his voice neutral. “It’s been like this since before you can remember? Did he ever stop?”

 

“Only when I turned seventeen. I kept my wand on me at all times, and he stopped hitting me. He would throw curses and hexes at me, though. Daddy is extremely adept at wand-less and wordless spells.” She added bitterly. “No, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said immediately, the lost little girl look overturning the hint of defiance that had just barely started to show. “It was all to teach me lessons I kept forgetting. And I grew stronger in my magic. So, in a way-”

 

“No,” Lucius interrupted. He hated seeing her like this, afraid and defending her abuser. “Do not tell me it was good, Luna, because it wasn’t. If I could…” he trailed off, shaking his head. She didn’t need to hear his vindictive wishes.

 

“I’m sorry, Lu-Mr. Malfoy.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For putting you through this. I should have been able to control my nightmares. I did it all the time at Hogwarts. The other girls never knew.”

 

“Perhaps because you weren’t as comfortable around them as you are with me.” Lucius said, fervently hoping she was comfortable around him, and it wasn’t the fact that he was a male, close to her father’s age, which made the nightmare recur.

 

“I-that’s, Mr. Malf-”

 

“Luna, Goddammit!” Lucius yelled, standing up and walking away, not wanting to scare Luna any further, but he was at his breaking point. The girl was driving him mad. “Luna, it’s not wrong to become comfortable with someone! It’s not wrong to call an adult by his name, or to trust someone, or even to care for someone! Luna, this isn’t you! You are not a scared little girl terrified of getting hit by your father anymore! That threat is gone and passed. But you won’t get close to me. What have I done that you won’t let yourself relax around me? You won’t even say my name! Luna, darling, why not? That’s all I want to hear from your lips. My name.”

 

“Mr. Malfoy, I can’t-”

 

“Don’t tell me that! You can very well. You already have. Luna, just say my name, you should know it by now!” When Lucius had stopped yelling, he knew something had changed. There was a glow coming from Luna’s wrist and Lucius looked down to see the silver Promise bracelet to disappear from her wrist and then his. Luna looked at him wide-eyed.

 

“Oh,” she said softly. “The Promise. It’s been broken.”

 

“I’m sorry, Luna. I did not mean to ask that of you.”

 

Luna’s eyes narrowed as she hugged herself tighter. “You mean because I had Promised to do anything you wanted? And now that chance is gone. Typical.” Lucius didn’t begrudge her the statement, as she was hurt and angry and frightened. It wasn’t him, he hoped, that she was upset with; it was just him who was with her and therefore the lucky man she took her stress out on. “You just wanted control over me. That’s it! You don’t care about me at all, let alone love me like you tried to say earlier. How could you? Look at me. I’m a nineteen-year-old girl who used to be your bitter enemy! I have no experience in how to give you pleasure, I’m not too pretty, and when I’m around you, I’m a bloody idiot! So now that you bound me in a Promise, made me care about you, start to believe in you, and hope that you’ve changed for the better, and, and, and…” Lucius was sure Luna continued her tirade, but he couldn’t understand it underneath the hiccups and sobs. Anguish and hate fought to gain control over her face, frightening Lucius just a little. He wished he could soothe Luna’s fears and internal struggles, but he was still slightly reeling from the effect of her words. “Made me care about you, start to believe in you, and hope that you’ve changed for the better…” Lucius was overjoyed that she cared for him; well, it was obvious, he thought, but it was the first time she had ever voiced her feelings out loud. He hoped he would be able to be considered worthy enough to hear more such phrases from her in the future. Of course, he thought wryly, if he couldn’t calm Luna’s tears, fears, and anger towards him, he may very well never hear such endearments again, and he didn’t think he would be able to stand that. Lucius took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around the younger witch, pulling her in gently to himself as she sobbed, rocking her to sleep, humming softly.

 

“I wasn’t looking to control you, love. I was just afraid that you would turn me away before anything could happen between us.” Lucius said softly, thinking Luna had fallen asleep in his lap.

 

“I’m sorry Lucius,” she answered back, half asleep. “I won’t disappoint you again.” The older blonde shook his head slowly, holding the young woman he had fallen in love with as close to him as possible.

 

­­­­

It was late morning when Luna woke up, still in the arms of Lucius Malfoy. Luna looked at the man she was starting to care for far too much and sighed, gently moving Malfoy’s arms so they weren’t hugging her anymore so she could stand and move a little. She knew she wouldn’t be able to be everything Malfoy wanted, or expected, in a woman. He was gorgeous, wonderful, and so utterly confusing, but that only endeared him to her more. As the strangest girl to ever stumble upon Hogwarts, Luna was the expert of confusing others, but she had to accept she had met her match in Lucius. Everything he did had an ulterior motive, and his motives were so twisted, so mixed up in one with another, that nothing made sense anymore. Luna knew he was a calculating man, and that he had proved his coldness and harshness on more than one occasion. This, and the fact that his eyes and hair were similar to her father’s, should have sent Luna instinctively running for cover, but instead she only felt attracted to him. Like a moth to a flame. Luna knew she would get burned, but for once, she decided that the scorch marks might be worth it. Lucius was irresistible, and she didn’t care what happened at the moment to her. She’d stopped caring about her wellbeing, but she didn’t want to hurt Lucius. She’d resigned herself to her fate-loneliness and dark apathy-but she didn’t want to subject the gorgeous man to her problems. He had enough demons, he didn’t need hers as well, even though he acted like he would be more than happy to do so.

 

Determined to try to save him from her, Luna had hastily prepared a plan. She leaned down, kissed Lucius gently on his cheek and got up to leave, trying not to cry. She had gotten too attached to this wizard-it was best if she left immediately. She didn’t want to be the reason for anyone’s heartache any longer. She had almost reached the door when she froze, hearing Lucius speak behind her. “My darling,” he said sadly. “What did I do?”

Luna turned around timidly, answering “Nothing. It’s what I did.”

 

“Would you mind telling me?” When Luna hesitated a little, Lucius walked over to her and caressed her cheek with his hand.

 

“I don’t know if you really want to hear it,” she whispered, trembling slightly.

 

Looking into her eyes, he said gently yet firmly, “Tell me.”


	8. Because of a Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry for being late, even if it was only by four days. I'm no longer swamped at work, but guess who's got some different fanfics she's co-authoring that's now blowing up with requests? So unfortunately, I don't get to work fully on this. But I WILL spend all the time I can spare for this fic. I was told I may actually have a fan.

“Okay.”  
Lucius rejoiced in this admission. Albeit a small one, barely heard, it was also a major improvement compared to when she chose to almost bleed to death rather than speak to him. He chose to ignore the fact that seconds before she finally agreed to open up about her past, she had looked ready to close the door behind her-and them-and never look back.  
“I’m not sure about this,” Luna mumbled after a moment of silence, staring at the floor. “I’ve never told anyone-not even Ginny or Hermione-and I never really planned to. I was always taught that what happened in the home stayed in the home. No on needed to be bothered with my personal problems and it’s unseemly to air out your dirty laundry to the world. No one else moans on about their petty issues; why should I be treated any different?”  
Here Luna paused, risking a glance at Lucius’ face. The older blonde was doing his best not to apparate straight to Xenophilius’ apartment and Avada him where he stood. Lucius tried to reign in his anger, reminding himself that if he let his feelings show, he would frighten Luna into silence. He needed to hear about her past to understand her better, but not as badly as she needed to tell it. It simply wasn’t healthy to hold trauma in for as long as she had and never tell a soul.   
Luna gathered her courage after steadying herself with a deep breath and continued on, “Mummy never stood up to Father, but I think it was because she couldn’t, not because she wouldn’t. She would become pregnant and later would miscarry the baby because of one of Father’s rages. She became paralyzed with fear, I believe, and did what she could to save herself from a terrible beating. You see, if Father became upset enough, he wouldn’t let us magically heal ourselves, but would rather us wait for the bones to mend on their own, but he wouldn’t take us to even a Muggle hospital to let the bones set properly. Because of this I tried to heal myself once, when I was twelve, and I was successful, but Father always took our wands away after that little stunt. I also got a ferocious beating after that because of it. And every time he flew into a rage, we would consider ourselves extremely if all he did was stun us and cast a curse to prevent our bones from mending properly.   
“A lot of the time, he would forget-or maybe it was on purpose, now that I think about it-and hex me right before school, or on the frequent times Dumbledore let me home on the weekends, and I’d be sent to Madame Pomphrey. There’s been quite a few times she’s had to fix fractures and breaks, and has even had to cure and reverse curses, and I wouldn’t be able to answer how I came to have them.  
“By the time I turned eleven I started seeing Crumple-Horned Sorcacks and Nargles. I’m still not completely sure if it was something my mind conjured up to distract me of it I really did see the little creatures creating mayhem everywhere. But it gave me a certain piece of mind; I became better able to deal with the stress around me, and more sane-or less sane, depending on whom you spoke to, I guess. But at least I didn’t become depressed or anything. That would have made Father angrier-he was convinced that any malady that befell me was me trying to make his life even more miserable than it already was. A mental health issue would have been a hundred times worse than any flu or common cold.” Luna stopped again, unsure if she really wanted to tell Lucius everything; if doing so would really be worth it. Hesitantly, Luna looked up and saw a kind wizard; a patient wizard; a wizard who had obviously changed his ways and wouldn’t push her to tell him more than she saw fit, but also a very powerful wizard who could cause her harm, even if he didn’t mean to and it was directed at someone else. But strangely enough, that didn’t bother her. She trusted this new, different being.  
Sitting up, about to speak once more and finish her story, she saw not just wizard, but a man. And this man’s heart was breaking. For her. A tear ran down his cheek. For her. It was too much. Luna couldn’t stand it. Lucius shouldn’t be feeling pain or remorse for her. She simply wasn’t worth it. She knew Lucius would object to that, but he didn’t know everything. And she wanted to let him know everything about her, but she couldn’t be so selfish. He was too good. He didn’t deserve to be used. Hadn’t she already decided she couldn’t love him? But she did. And that’s what gave her the resolve. She was a liar. No matter what Lucius’ past, he only ever lied out of necessity. She was just doing it. So she got up to leave. Because he deserved better.  
“I can’t,” Luna said, shaking her head and trying to hide her tears. However, Lucius was able to see them, and that pained him more that Luna’s refusal to continue the discussion. He knew there was an enormous internal struggle going on and knew better than to push it. Lucius merely nodded, letting her know he acknowledged and respected her silence.  
He just hoped she would be able to break that silence in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a short chapter, I admit. But this was also hard-packed; at least, for me it was taxing to write and it's chock full of emotional stuff. The next one WILL be loaded soon-this one I really do promise! I'm half-way done with the draft. It's gonna be so much worse than this chapter, so be prepared.


	9. A Tarnished Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is very explicit in the abuse and unpleasantness part. Sure, the last chapter had abuse in it, but it was only mentions of abuse. This is detailed. If you want to skip the chapter, by all means, feel free. But this is a pretty necessary part of the work.  
> Oh, and accidently posted this-the chapter isn't finished yet! I repeat-THE CHAPTER IS NOT YET DONE. I would ask you to wait a few more days to read this.

It had been two bloody weeks. Two weeks of silence; two weeks of Luna tiptoeing around him; two weeks of Luna finding any reason not to be around the apartment at all, actually. And Lucius was sick and tired of it. He finally decided he couldn't just do _nothing_. Doing nothing was this horrible silence permeating the air. Doing nothing was not being able to come up behind the beauty and then kiss her until they were both breathless. Doing nothing was killing him.

So on the fifteenth day, Lucius' already string-thin patience snapped and he decided it was a was time to pay a visit to a certain blonde. As Luna was most likely going to be out all day and not back until dawn again, Lucius had no qualms about not leaving a note. She never did, and he planned on being back before dinner time anyway.

Thankfully, Luna had been able to get him permission to get a wand and last week he had Ollivander again. Because of this, Lucius could now perform magic once again and didn't have to rely on anyone for anything, and he no longer needed Luna for side-along apparition. Now there were both advantages and disadvantages to this, but today the advantages completely outweighed his want for Luna's body pressed up against him. At least he didn't need to explain to her why he needed to go to the editor of _The Quibbler's_ private office. This was something he didn't want her worrying about.

Being in Azkaban without the Dementors had not weakened his powers as much as the last time he had been...placed there, but was out-of-practice from being forbidden the use of magic for so long. This much was obvious when he nearly splinched himself simply _apparating._ A beginner's mistake. He would concern himself with that later-he had more pressing matters that needed his attentions. Lucius shook his head, trying to clear it. His thoughts had been running away with him ever since he had decided to go through with this. But he wouldn't allow Luna to have to endure this senseless pain anymore. He knew she hadn't told him everything that day, or in any amount of detail, but she hadn't stopped because of distrust. Of that Lucius was certain. With this thought, he pushed open the doors to the Quibbler's building.

"I require a meeting with Xenophilius Lovegood. Immediately," Lucius barked, ever inch a Malfoy as he scared the poor secretary behind her desk. When the witch did nothing but tremble and stare wide-eyed at him, he sighed ad decided to try again in a gentler tone. "Please, miss, I need to speak to Mr. Lovegood as soon as possible. Hopefully, today. The matter is quite urgent." When this more polite inquiry proved fruitless, he said a lighter than he meant to, "Nevermind; I know where his office is. I trust he is free at the moment?" Knowing he wouldn't get a response from the secretary, Lucius strode forward, going down the hallway until he was in front the door that was the trashy editor's. He knocked sharply and upon not receiving an answer, tried to just open the door and enter. It didn't work. 'This is peculiar,' Lucius thought. Xeno didn't lock his door-ever. "Alohamora," Lucius intoned, sending the door flying open in a way that would have done Severus proud, he looked around the room to find _the Quibbler's_ editor and froze, disgusted and horrified at what was happening right in front of his eyes.

                                                                                                                                                                             ~*~*~*~

Two weeks didn't seem like a long time ordinarily, but to Luna, near the beginning of September, it was an eternity. The silence around the apartment with Lucius was more unnerving than she liked to admit to herself, but she just couldn't shake the similarities she saw between Lucius and her father. She knew her worries were ridiculous and unfounded-at least, she hoped they were. But ignoring the familiar qualities she saw and recognized was proving to be a little harder that originally thought.

The week or so before Luna started school was always unbearable, but when Luna started Hogwarts, it only became worse. Luna's mother would always find excuses to not have to be home during that time, and an unearthly silence would seep into the house. That would leave Luna alone with her father, as he usually took his vacation time right before the school year began. At first, this arrangement was almost doable; as long as Luna stayed closed up in her room and didn't make a sound, Xeno wouldn't get too fed up with her, and she might get away to Hogwarts with only a minimum of faded bruises and half-healed scars.

Luna survived this way the first two years she attended Hogwarts. The summer she turned thirteen had been one willed with tears, anguish, and struggling to hide her pain from herself just like any other summer. It was Xeno's first day of his vacation and he was displeased when he came home to a quiet house. His wife was now dead and he no longer had the lovely Pandora to greet him when he walked through the door. The thought have him reason to pause. When _had_ been the last time she had done that? Years before she had passed on, oddly enough. In the last few years of her life, Pandora had seemed to grow busier with each passing day. At least Luna was always home. But even then she was always cooped up in her room. Probably studying for the coming year. She had been sorted Ravenclaw like her parents and though she was exceptionally bright, she was always striving to gain more knowledge.

Xeno was finished and fed up by now with his daughter and her perpetual studying. Did she really think books and pieces of old parchment were more important than the man who had sired her? A girl should be talking to her father, trying to establish a relationship with him. She'd always have her books, but he would inevitable die someday. And as neither of them were dead yet, they _would_ establish a normal, healthy relationship!

_"Luna!"_

"Just one moment Father!"

_"LUNA PANDORA LOVEGOOD! I said now!"_

Coming Daddy! I'm sorry Daddy!" Luna rushed down the stairs, and Xeno tried to ignore his daughter's frightened look. This was why they needed to spend more time together. Luna hadn't been frightened of Pandora.

"No, Luna," he said in a soothing tone, irritated when she steppe back so he couldn't put her hair behind her ear, as he was about to do. "It's I who should apologize. I yelled. You did nothing wrong. I'm sorry, Luna." He pulled her close, not letting her break away from the embrace. There was nothing wrong with


End file.
